Wolfgang Finch - Really the main character of this story. Ambitious, but had bad financial luck for many years. This all changed when he won a small fortune in the lottery, which he used to live out his dream of owning the city's greatest bar and grill. He has a wife and three kids and lives in the suburb called Palmdoyle. He likes cooking and looking scruffy.

    Robin Finch - The complicated spouse of Wolf. Robin hates the fact that her first and last names are both birds. It is believed her parents were hippies. She was raised in California and then moved to the East Coast and settled down. She tends the bar at Old Wolf's Bar and Grill. She doesn't put up with drunken old men hitting on her, and has an arsenal of insults comebacks and sarcasm at her disposal.

    Nikki Finch - The oldest of Wolf and Robins kids. Nikki is sort of selfish, a little materialistic, and sometimes a pain. She does have her endearing qualities though. She keeps a diary. Someday she hopes to fit in with the popular kids and sit at their lunch table. She wears hooded sweatshirts almost everyday. She likes to scheme in her bedroom, and is a master of parental manipulation.

    Wade Finch - The middle child. Wade is the most different of all his siblings as middle children often are. He is very competitive, and likes to play sports and video games (also sports video games). He is Wolf's favorite child, a fact that Wolf keeps to himself. He is a very practical thinker, and can usually reason his way out of almost anything.

    Elle Finch - The much younger sibling of Wade and Nikki. Elle is a sweet girl who loves animals, and has a wild imagination. She likes exploring and playing games in her backyard playhouse. She is very inquisitive and sometimes annoys her mother with difficult questions.

    Paul Laguna - Wolf's best friend. A recovering alcoholic. They both used to work for the same mysterious company, and were both laid off at the same time. Paul is an expert wine taster, and is tasked with choosing wine for Old Wolf's Bar and Grill. He also loves to blow things out of proportion. He believes everything he hears on the news.

    Richard (Dick) Lefterly - Wade's closest friend. He hates being called Dick, but is usually called this at their school: Palmdoyle High. Richard is always the first one to adopt new fads and trends. He always tries to rope Wade into things he doesn't want to do. They are friends mostly because they live across the street from each other.

    Manami Kinjo - Elle's playmate in school and sometimes at home. Manami's family is Japanese. She doesn't get a chance to visit the Finch household much, because she lives on the other end of town and her parents are always busy. She and Elle both have fun with their imaginations, and youthful ignorance.

    Slothman - Palmdoyle's local superhero. Being a bizzare man-sloth, he moves very slowly, and normally just distracts criminals until the police arive. Although he does seem to have the uncanny ability to arrive a crime scene's very quickly. Some suspect coffee may be behind it. His secret weapon is his extremely contagious yawn that can make people fall asleep.

    Vito Porelli - The handsome son of the powerful mob boss Don Porelli. The Porelli crime family controls most of the organized crime in Palmdoyle. He likes soccer, and makes Nikki weak at the knees.

    Abri - Vito's little sister. She is spunky and artsy. She goes to a private school, and is a smarty pants. Wade happens to think she is all different kinds of adorable.

    Melanie - Melanie spent time in Palmdoyle as a foreign exchange student from England. Nikki and her are best friends. She is kind of a dopy girl. She likes America, and sees it as an escape from her oppressive parents. Also a big fan of tennis skirts and the band "Mutton Chops".

    Dewey - A geeky but confident young man. Everyone laughs at him for being brainy and socially awkward. He plots revenge often. There may be something else unusual about him.